Man charged for using Mugabe poster as toilet paper...LOL

HARARE: A Zimbabwean man has been charged for allegedly using President Robert Mugabe’s election campaign poster as toilet paper, local media reported Wednesday.

Takura Mufumisi, 26, from the southern city of Masvingo, is said to have taken the paper with him to a bar toilet.

An informant reportedly spotted him tearing up the poster with Mugabe’s image while inside the toilet and made a citizen’s arrest.

“Public prosecutor Mukai Mutumbe told the court that on July 24 this year, Mufumisi entered Landmark bar in the city with the intention to relieve himself  in the bar toilets,” the paper reported.

He has been accused of violating electoral laws.

In Zimbabwe it is a crime to pull down election campaign posters. His case has been adjourned indefinitely by a Magistrate’s Court.

Severed human head sent to Kenya police commission boss...OMG

A human head and two hands have been sent to Kenya’s police commission chief, viewed as a grim warning against his efforts to reform the force, officers said Friday.

A box containing the body parts apparently hacked from the same corpse was left outside the headquarters of the National Police Service Commission in the centre of the capital Nairobi on Thursday, city police chief Benson Kibui said.

Included was a threat for the chief of the largely civilian police oversight body, Johnston Kavuludi, who was appointed last year and is trying to push through reforms.

“Kavuludi, you are next”, a note with the head read.

Comprehensive police reforms were introduced in 2011 aimed at stopping violations committed by police during post-election violence in 2007-2008, but implementation has been blocked.

The reforms transfer some powers from the police chief to the commission, including responsibility for recruitment and discipline of police officers.

“We cannot tell the motive behind this,” Kibui said, calling it a “heinous” act.

The package was initially feared to be a bomb and explosive experts opening discovered the body parts.

Ribery beats Messi, Ronaldo to UEFA Best Player award

Bayern Munich winger Franck Ribery, has been announced as UEFA Best Player in Europe, ahead of Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo.
       The 30-year-old France international, was instrumental as Jupp Heycknes men won Bundesliga, DFB Pokal and Champions League treble in 2012/13 and was voted UEFA Player of the Year by football journalists.

“It’s a very special moment to be standing here this evening. I want to thank all of my team-mates from FC Bayern München, my family and my kids,” the former Marseille man said, after receiving the award.

Taraba Assembly declares Suntai unfit, advises him to go back for treatment

Following the recent sack of his cabinet members after he returned from abroad, and the eventual appointment of two principal officers, Governor of Taraba State, Danbaba Suntai is facing extreme political struggles , as his Deputy in alignment with the  state House of Assembly, has tagged his official resumption as “premature.”

Rt. Hon. Haruna Tsokwa, speaker of Taraba State House of Assembly, while speaking to newsmen in Jalingo said the lawmakers have advised Suntai to make a second trip to the United States for a proper rehabilitation before he could be allowed to take over his position from the state’s Deputy Governor.

Tsokwa affirmed that the lawmakers took the said decision after their visit to the Governor on Wednesday night, stressing that it was crystal clear after the visit that Suntai was unfit to return to office. The House therefore voted that the Deputy governor of the State should continue in acting capacity until Suntai is properly rehabilitated.

Controversies have continued to trail the return of the governor as people have held different views about his health status. While some are of the opinion that he should be allowed to rule, others have objected with the view that he is not fit to be restored as the state Governor yet.

Addressing journalists in Jalingo, the Taraba State capital on Thursday, Tsokwa, said that findings of the 24-member House had clearly showed that the Governor was still incapacitated.

The people of the state have remained doubtful over the claim that suntai has recovered and willing to rule the state again, since they are yet to get any viable and tangible signs pointing to his healthy state as claimed.

With the latest resolution of the state Assembly, there could be a possible impeachment move against the sick governor.

UCL draws: Arsenal in Group of Death with Napoli, Dortmund and Marseille – See all the 8 groups

Unlike previous years, Arsenal have not been handed a kind group in the UEFA Champions League. The Gunners, who have not bought well in the current transfer market, have been grouped with last year’s finalists Dortmund, big spending Napoli and Ligue 1 side Marseille.

In other interesting ties, holders Bayern Munich will play former Premier League champions Manchester City in Group D, Real Madrid will face Juventus in Group B, while Barcelona and AC Milan will renew their rivalry in Group H.

Group A
Manchester United
Shakhtar Donestsk
Bayer Leverkusen
Real Sociedad

Group B
Real Madrid
Juventus
Galatasaray
FC Copenhagen

Group C
Benfica
PSG
Olympiakos
Anderlecht

Group D
Bayern Munich
CSKA Moscow
Manchester City
Viktoria Plzen

Group E
Chelsea
Schalke
Basle
Steaua Bucharest

Group F
Arsenal
Marseille
Borussia Dortmund
Napoli

Group G
FC Porto
Atletico Madrid
Zenit
Austria Vienna

Group H
Barcelona
AC Milan
Ajax
Celtic

Treatment for Body Odour

What is body odour?

It is a perceived unpleasant smell our bodies can give off when bacteria that lives on the skin break down body sweat into acids. Body odour usually becomes evident if means are not taken when a human reaches puberty (14-16 years of age in females and 15-17 years of age in males). It can also be called Bromhidrosis or Osmidrosis. Normally, sweat itself is odourless to humans.

People susceptible to having body odour:

• People with hyperhydrosis (excessive sweating)
• People that takes too much salt
• Obesed people
• People who eat spicy foods regularly
• People with certain medical conditions e.g diabetes
• Wearing of shoes and socks for a long time (this makes the sweat difficult to evaporate, hence bacteria acts on it).

Areas where body odour most likely occur:

• Feet
• Genitals
• Anus
• Groin
• Pubic hair
• Behind the ears
• Armpits
• Belly button
• To some extent, on the rest of our skin.

Treatment Options for body odour:

• Keep the armpit clean by washing regularly with antibacterial soap and shaving the hairs regularly
• deodorants/Antiperspirants can be applied to the armpits.
• Injection of botulinum toxic in the armpits to reduce the rate of sweating in the area (armpit)
• Wash daily (at least) with warm water
• Wear clothes made of natural-made fibre e.g wool, silk, or cotton.
• Avoid diets high in red meat and spices.
• Wash feet in warm water regularly
• Wear socks made of a combination of man-made fibres and wool
• Do not wear the same pair of shoe two days in a row and ensure you sun dry your shoes
• Use foot deodorants and aspirant and treat fungal infection with appropriate medication.

Show Of Shame! Edo State Primary School Teacher Couldn’t Read Her Own Certificate During Screening

It was drama, Tuesday, at the venue of the verification of certificates of primary school teachers in Edo State, as a teacher in Asologun Primary School, Ikpoba Okha Local Government Area of the state, Mrs. Augusta Odemwinge could not read a sworn affidavit she purportedly tendered as part of her credentials.

The state governor, Mr. Adams Oshiomhole, who paid an unscheduled visit to the state Staff Training Centre, venue of the exercise, said “if you can’t read, what do you teach the pupils, what do you write on the board?”

Chairman of the state Nigeria Union of Teachers, Mr. Patrick Ikosimi, who was also at the screening to monitor the exercise, said that the woman’s failure was “an embarrassment.”
On arrival at the centre, the governor took time to peruse some of the teacher’s credentials and documents presented.

 When Mrs. Odenwingie took her turn during the exercise, the governor, who listened to her defence, asked her to read the affidavit she presented, but she stuttered, to the consternation of everybody around.Ikosimi, who described Mrs. Odemwingie’s failure to read a document she presented as an embarrassment, said the union was in tune with the state government on the need to sanitise the school system.He said: “We are committed to partnering the government to reposition education in the state. What this teacher has just displayed is a show of shame; it shows the decadence in the education sector.

“As the chairman of NUT, I had written to the governor that we are in total support of what he is doing.
“He should properly involve the NUT, so that together we can fish out the culprits, who are not viable as far as the system is concerned,” he said.

And am sure this woman must have been beating several students and calling them olodos, chei!

Over 40 million Nigerians are jobless...why?

Chairman, Subsidy Reinvestment and Employment Programme, Christopher Kolade, yesterday disclosed that no fewer than 40 million Nigerians are unemployed.

Kolade stated this through the Technical Assistant to Community Services, Women and Youth Employment, SURE-P, Emeka Ekpunobi, at a one-day stakeholders sensitisation programme on Graduate Internship Scheme, organized by SURE-P and Kalends Consulting in Ado-Ekiti, Ekiti State capital.

According to him, the SURE-P was a program through which the Federal Government created with the aim of reducing the rate of unemployment in the country.

He said, “Issue of job creation is a very critical one which over the years has posed great challenge to governments at different levels.

“It was in recognition of this that President Goodluck Jonathan mandated SURE-P to marshal out intervention programmes to address this challenge.

“Through the GIS, we have the mandate to create 50,000 jobs. This sensitisation workshop is very important to us because it is part of our commitment to ensure that the GIS achieves the objectives for which it was set up.

“One of the objectives is to make most Nigerians graduates employable through training and mentoring.”

He confirmed the view of the Project Director of GIS, Mr. Peter Parka, that 40million Nigerians required employment.

Parka had said, “National Bureau of Statistics in 2011 indicated that 23.9per cent of Nigerians were unemployed. This means that about 40million Nigerians need employment.

“Government is concerned about this high unemployment rate and is doing everything possible to reverse it. The challenge of graduate unemployment is the inability to absorb the nearly 300,000 graduates churned out by our tertiary institutions each year.

ETO'O IS SIGNING FOR CHELSEA TODAY... UP CHELSEA

Chelsea will sign Samuel Eto’o on a stunning £7million one-year deal today after admitting defeat in their pursuit of Manchester United striker Wayne Rooney.

Eto’o, the 32-year-old Cameroon forward, is taking a huge pay cut from the £17m a year that made him the world’s best paid footballer at Anzhi Makhachkala and will sign on a free transfer. ...

Ibadan Man Arrested For Stealing Noodles

A middle-aged man, Moses Eze, is set to appear in court for breaking into a shop belonging to Mrs Grace Bamigbola around Jerusalem area, Ojoo, Ibadan, carting away items which included two cartons of noodles.

Crime & Security learnt that the police officers were alerted when neighbours sensed a strange happening in one of the shops in the area. But before the police could reach the area, the looters had completed their mission. Luck, however, ran out on them when policemen suspected a man waiting to board a vehicle at Isokin junction with some items.

The suspect happened to be Eze and was brought to the police station with the items.
In the morning, Mrs Bamigbola came to the station to lodge a complaint that her shop where she was selling food items and provision was burgled overnight with some items carted away. The Police showed her all the items recovered from the suspect but to their surprise the items were identified by Mrs Bamigbola as her property.

Eze is now set to be arraigned in court for prosecution.

Man Caught Having Sèx With His Daughter In His Car

A florida man busted with drugs was caught having sex in his car with his step-daughter




Barry Thompson, 53, was arrested Sunday after sheriff's deputies in Deltona found him in his car near the entrance of Pride Elementary School. They told him he was trespassing on school property, according to the Sun Sentinel. His 29-year-old stepdaughter was in the passenger seat.

When asked why his pants were unzipped, Thompson reportedly confessed that he and his stepdaughter had a sexual relationship that they were trying to hide from his wife, who is the woman's mother.

After Thompson was arrested for trespassing on school grounds, deputies searched his car and found 51 prescription Dilaudid pills. Thompson also copped to being on pre-trial release for federal charges he's facing in Tennessee. One of the conditions of his release bans him from possessing prescription pills.
His stepdaughter was released with a warning.

DOES HE WORTH THAT WORLD RECORD AMOUNT?

DOES HE REALLY WORTH THIS MUCH?



One of the longest running saga's of the transfer window is coming to a close, as Real Madrid look finally set to get their man, Gareth Bale.

The Tottenham forward is set to complete his 'dream' move to Spain after the clubs agreed a world-record £86 million fee earlier this week.

Meanwhile in England, Chelsea's pursuit of Wayne Rooney was spiced up a little further after their 0-0 draw away to Manchester United, with Jose Mourinho asking the striker to publically confirm his intentions - either to stay at Old Trafford, or move to London.

To discuss these stories and much more, Nat Coombs is joined by international football writer Peter Staunton, and former Chelsea captain, Dennis Wise.

Remember, to leave your comment below or  follow us on Tweeter @fola1991

West Brom outcast Peter Odemwingie is wanted by Swansea boss, Michael Laudrup as the clock starts winding down on the summer transfer window.

The window is expected to close on September 2 in the English Premier League and Odemwingie is desperate to end the hell that has been the Hawthorns since last January when he desperately tried to engineer a last minute move to Queens Park Rangers.

"We want to add one more who can give us that in a certain part of the game or in certain games," Laudrup told the South Wales Evening Post.

"And he (Odemwingie) is a player with pace who knows the league,” he added.

The valuation of £2 million has put off the likes of Stoke City, Cardiff City and Crystal Palace who all want the Nigerian on their roster.

The 32-year-old won two Player of the Month awards in the 2010/11 season for the Baggies and ended the season with 15 goals. He scored ten goals in the 2011/12 season but scored just five goals last season.

NO MONEY FOR FLIGHT FOR MALAWI NATIONAL TEAM...SERIOUS ISSUE...LOL

The Flames may be unable to raise the needed funds for their trip to Calabar in time to face the Super Eagles on September 7 having used up the bulk of their annual budget

Malawi might be unable to prosecute their final Group F 2014 World Cup qualifier against Nigeria on September 7 due to shortfall in funding.

The Football Association of Malawi (FAM) told media on Thursday that the Flames require about $121, 212 to travel to Nigeria.

FAM had spent most of its annual allocation on participating in the regional Cosafa Cup held in Zambia as well as World Cup qualifiers against Kenya and Namibia.

“We don’t have the required amount of money. Government has indicated the funds that were used during World Cup qualifiers against Kenya and Namibia were part of the 2013/14 national budget,” FAM general secretary Suzyo Nyirenda was quoted by Nyasatimes.com.

“We were not aware of this arrangement, we have been taken unaware because, to us, expenses that were incurred prior and after Kenya and Namibia games were settled by funds within the 2012/13 financial year which ended on June 31, 2013.”

This unavailability of funds means the Flames will be unable to camp for four days in Botswana where they had been scheduled to play a friendly match against the Botswana national team.

If they are unable to travel, they will forfeit the three points on offer to Nigeria and may also be punished by Fifa. However, officials remain optimistic that the government will come to the team’s rescue.

MATA MIGHT BE ON HIS WAY TO ARSENAL

Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger, has refused to comment on a possible bid for Chelsea playmaker, Juan Mata.

The Gunners boss, when asked after watching his side qualify for the group stages of the Champions League, replied:

“I watched the [Chelsea] game last night that Juan Mata could be on the market. I don’t know, there is a reluctance in England to sell to each other.

“Does that frustrate me? Yes, I like him.

“Everybody knows we are in the market. The whole world knows that now. I cannot be more creative than that, because all has been said and nothing has been concluded.”

Despite leaving the Spaniard on the bench for the entire 90 minutes against Manchester United this week, Jose Mourinho insisted that he will not leave Stamford Bridge. However, the 25-year-old’s father was spotted in an executive box at the Emirates, as Arsenal sealed their place in the round of 32, sparking speculations that a deal might be close.